Are you dating someone new? Well, before your relationship gets serious, you and your partner need to talk.
While the beginning of a relationship is exciting, it’s also the best time to have serious conversations. Does your partner want kids? Where do they want to live? How close are they to their family? These are topics you should cover with your partner sooner rather than later. The more you know about your partner, the easier it’ll be to determine if you want to build a life with them.
Here are seven conversations you should have with your partner early in the relationship:
1. The “How Do You Communicate?” Conversation
Everyone has a different communication style, but that’s why it’s so important to understand how your partner communicates. For example, you might prefer texting, while your partner can’t stand it. You might be someone who can easily express themselves, while your partner might need time to process their thoughts before speaking. Do these differences mean your relationship won’t work? Not necessarily. But that’s why it’s important to have this conversation.
By understanding how your partner communicates, you’ll avoid unnecessary fights. For instance, rather than assume your partner is ignoring you when they don’t text back, you’ll know that’s not their communication style. So maybe you can pick up the phone and call them instead of getting angry.
2. The Sex Conversation
It’s a good idea to talk about sex before you get intimate. But let’s be honest, that doesn’t always happen. Don’t worry; it’s not too late. Regardless of how many times you’ve had sex with your partner, you might not be on the same page. But you need to be in order for your relationship to last for the long term.
Do you know what works for both of you between the sheets? When was the last time you were both tested for STIs? Are you on birth control? And if so, does your partner know that? These are conversations you should have with your partner to ensure your needs are met and that you feel safe together.
Sex might be uncomfortable to talk about. But if you can’t discuss it, you probably should wait to get intimate until you’re comfortable enough to do so.
3. The Future Goals Conversation
Before your relationship gets too serious, you should discuss your goals. Do you want to get married and have a family? Does your partner want to travel the world? Make sure you both know what you want out of your life so you can see whether your goals align.
While compromise is important in any relationship, you don’t want to compromise your goals. And some life goals are too big to give up in exchange for a relationship. For example, if you want children and your partner doesn’t, they probably aren’t the one for you.
4. The Family Conversation
Is your partner close to their family, or do they keep their distance? The truth is, no one has the perfect family. But family can play a huge role in a relationship. Not to mention, where someone comes from can determine how they see and understand the world. Knowing about your partner’s relationship with their family can provide context for how you relate to each other.
For example, if your partner isn’t close to their family, holidays might not be a big deal to them. There’s nothing wrong with that, but that’s something you should know before Christmas rolls around. So, make sure you ask your partner about their family dynamic and take the time to discuss your own.
5. The Money and Debt Conversation
You don’t need to share your exact salary with your partner. But they should have an idea of how much money you make — and how you spend that money. After all, if the relationship ends up working out, you might eventually share a bank account. Before that happens, it’s important you have a good idea of their finances.
We’re not suggesting you call it quits if you find out your partner’s in debt. But an individual’s finances can determine their lifestyle. And for a relationship to work, you need to have a compatible lifestyle that you can both afford.
6. The “What Are We?” Conversation
If you’ve ever been in a relationship before, you know how important trust is. Not only do you need to trust your partner, but your partner needs to trust you. And while trust has to be built, it starts with a conversation. Yes, we’re talking about the “what are we” conversation.
Are you exclusive or can you both see other people? Is this relationship serious or casual? Not only should both of you answer those questions, but you should discuss what different relationship statuses mean to you. After all, your definition of a serious relationship could be drastically different from your partner’s definition.
7. The Expectations Conversation
Your partner isn’t psychic and neither are you. So don’t assume they know what expectations you have for them or the relationship.
For instance, let’s say you want to meet their parents after six months. That’s something you should make your partner aware of so they can decide if they’re ready to take that leap.
Do you want children by a certain age? Do you plan on working or do you want to be a stay-at-home parent? Discussing these topics can be uncomfortable; especially at the beginning of a relationship. But before you invest time in your partner, it’s important to make sure you’re both on the same page.
Everyone in a relationship is going to have to tackle difficult conversations. Love is messy, but that doesn’t mean you should avoid talking about the tough stuff. If you’re interested in building a life with your partner, you need to really know them. Make sure you know each other’s long-term goals and the status of your relationship. While these conversations probably won’t be fun, they’re crucial.
According to research, over half of all marriages end in divorce. While there’s a myriad of reasons why relationships end, you can bet incompatibility is one of them. Don’t wait until after you walk down the aisle to figure out whether you and your partner are compatible. Have the conversations above early in your relationship.
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